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Dear Internet

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Dear Internet,
I’m mad at you.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a great relationship these past (let’s see, I got email in 5th grade?) …twelve years.  You’ve done a lot for me.  I’m grateful to you.
But the part of you that’s classified as “social networking” has disappointed me as of late.

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Why Yes, I Would Love to Plant Squashes With You

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I don’t think I’m very good at finding roommates on Craigslist. 
As of right now, my options are a 35 year old guy who is trying to find a squash partner (I was so confused by this. At first I thought it was slang for “casual mid-thirties sex” and then I considered that he might literally be seeking a companion to plant squash into a garden with, and then I looked it up and realized squash is a sport), and a Cal student who says she will forbid me from drinking alcohol.
I’m probably not going about this the right way:
About the space:
– you will be living with a female UC Berkeley student
– you are free to set up a divider for your own privacy in the living room
– no parties, drugs, alcohol, 420, etc.

I also mentioned in my first email to another Craigslist ad that JK Rowling has informed me that I’m a Ravenclaw.  Still learning the concept of “relevant information”.

And then I found some Craigslist ads that seemed like they were written by really cool people, but since their apartment was too far/year lease only, I emailed them just to tell them I can’t live with them, but they sound like they’d be really chill to live with.
I don’t know what I’m doing… I’m sorry… I’m trying as hard as I can!  Please, please please let me find someone tolerant enough of my faults to take me in in this hard time…. I promise I’ll sing for you and I’ll even plant squashes in the garden whenever you want.

I Did Not Tweet These Things Either

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I told myself today is the day I’m going to get out of my bed and off my computer and go running. I put on a sports bra and workout clothes and I realized I was hungry so I heated up Thai food, and now it’s been 3 hours and I’m laying in my bed on my computer in workout clothes. Is this what they meant when they said it’s okay to take baby steps to exercise?

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Childhood Regrets- Mass Murder of Aquatic Life, Toxic Chemical Ingestion, and Misinterpretation of a Shampoo Ad

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I did several regrettable things as a child.  However, since none of these things actually ended up killing me or had serious repercussions I think they’re probably acceptable, although I am still wondering if they are normal.  I think a lot of people wonder if they were more stupid as children than everyone else, so it’s probably safe to say we all were and it’s okay because we turned out okay for the most part.

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