Eat Clean, Train Mean: My Fitness Journey

Getting in shape is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s also the most worthwhile.

I have always wanted a hot body. I have also always maintained a lifestyle involving a lot of pizza and binge drinking and no physical exertion of any kind.

This juxtaposition caused me considerable distress for a great many years. Although I desired to look and feel healthy and strong, I’d consistently choose things that were the opposite of that, like lying in bed all afternoon and steadfastly eating plates of korean barbecue until it physically hurt to continue. I’m a notorious procrastinator, so I’d console myself by reasoning that I could change my ways next year. Or the year after that. Or the year after that.

Then a couple of months ago, I woke up and realized that shit, I am already halfway through my twenties. The twenties are when we’re supposed to be in our prime, but I pretty much wasted the entire first half of it procrastinating on my health and fitness dreams. This realization that we won’t be young forever, and that I better take advantage of this time, was a thought that struck deep and held within me and refused to let go.

Seven months ago, I committed to regular exercise and healthy eating, and now, I want to share my experience with you. I’m not going to sugar-coat the process and pretend like it’s this quick fix that anyone could achieve in a couple weeks. It’s not easy. It can’t be half-assed. But if you want it enough, I promise that it can be done with enough patience, dedication and self-belief. Here’s what I did.

Part 1: Exercise

Since high school, I’ve viewed exercise like I’ve viewed going to concerts and organizing potlucks- nice in theory, a good thing to do once in a while, but not really necessary. I was not very good at exercise. I did not especially enjoy it. My former attempts at exercise involved putting on running clothes and then laying in my bed eating thai food. I could barely run a mile without stopping to topple over and heave my insides out.

I had always thought of fit people as akin to wizards. People that work out six days a week and run marathons had some kind of magical power – I simply could not understand how they did it, nor fathom how I could ever be like them.

But that changed when I started Insanity in January. If you are unfamiliar with Insanity, it’s a 60-day video workout program designed to push you to your limit of physical exertion and keep you there through a series of very, very challenging cardio and strength exercises.

Corny infommercial-style promo video:

Although Insanity is one of the most physically demanding workouts out there, it is actually very good for lazy people who don’t know anything about exercise because

You don’t have to leave your house to do it. This was key to me, as I am one of the laziest people I know in my unwillingness to step outside my apartment to do anything. In fact, it’s 4 PM on a Saturday right now and I still have no idea what the weather is outside.

It’s an idiot-proof workout. If you just do what Shaun T tells you on the screen, you’ll get in shape. I know that the gym is a traditionally popular choice for exercise, but I’m bewildered by the gym. I have no idea what machines to use, how to use them, and how long to use them for, and I feel a strong resemblance to a hamster when I hop on any of them. This programs eliminates guesswork and confusion.

Most importantly, Insanity provides you with a 60-day workout plan. This is essential to success – having a cheat-proof schedule that you stick to.

My first week of plunging into Insanity, I couldn’t even get through the ten-minute WARM UP without collapsing in a puddle of equal parts sweat and regret. But I kept doing it. And the second week, I could get through a little more. I probably spent more time lying on the floor gasping for oxygen than actually exercising, but I still pressed on until the bitter end of each 38 minute-long video.

And then something good happened – I realized how much I liked the feeling I got after working out. It’s an amazing feeling.

Pretty soon, I got addicted to the natural high of exercise. And I started craving workouts.

That amazing post-workout high, coupled with feeling stronger every day were powerful and motivating enough to keep me going in those early struggle days. I didn’t see results right away. But I slowly started to feel my body change. The moment that I felt my lower back and realized the fat that usually occupied that space had dissipated and was replaced by hard muscle was thrilling. Then it happened to my shoulders. Then to the back of my thighs. I was so excited by this that sometimes in the middle of conversation I would abruptly tell people to feel various parts of my body, to an impressive range of reactions.

Here’s the thing about fitness: in order to succeed at it, you must make yourself uncomfortable. You must push your body past the imagined limits your mind has set for you. You must not just break a sweat every time you work out but get drenched in it. That’s the only way you’ll improve. This is a scary concept, but you have to face your fears head-on and just remind yourself that you won’t actually die.

The way I would deal with this when I was exhausted and almost in tears mid-workout was to scream motivational fitness quotes at myself that I found on Pinterest.

During the course of Insanity, you take a “fit-test” every two weeks where you get 1 minute to do as many push-ups (or burpees or switch kicks etc) as you possibly can. You write down your number and try to beat it the next time. My progress on this was something I got really excited about.

Switch Kicks

Power Jumps

Insanity is a great way to get in shape real fast, but if it’s not your thing, find something else that you enjoy – just make sure that you can set ambitious goals for yourself. I’ve started to really enjoy running (something I never would have anticipated), and I challenge myself by running farther and farther distances every week. I ran a half-marathon last month which I’m super excited about and should probably save for a later post, so stay tuned!

But these two points are important, whatever you do:

Make a day-by-day workout plan that you hold yourself accountable to.
Work out hard and push yourself past your comfort zone to get results. Keep challenging yourself with new goals.

Part 2: Healthy Eating

Losing weight is 80% about what you eat, and keeping a healthy diet is, I think, even harder than committing to regular exercise. My diet before this year was abysmal. Any past attempts at healthy eating had always tanked after a day or two, or maybe even a few hours when confronted with ice cream. But when I started working out six days a week, my relationship to food started to change.

I started to view eating as something you to do nourish your body, instead of something you do purely to please your taste buds. Sounds simple, but this was a hugely important turning point for me. When you eat to fuel your body, you consume foods that have nutrients. When you consume nutritious foods, your body starts to crave these. And pretty soon, you won’t eat junk food anymore because it just won’t taste good to you. And you’ll feel fuller from eating less, because you’re not consuming empty calories.

This realization came with another, more startling realization – I would have to start cooking.

For those of you who have known me for a while, you can appreciate the magnitude of this realization. Two years ago, I didn’t even have forks in my apartment. Last year when I got a responsible, adult roommate I would watch in awe as he made food as if he was performing the miraculous act of spinning gold from hay.

It was at this point that Pinterest saved my life.

I did not anticipate Pinterest ever playing a crucial role in my health journey because I never really understood the purpose of Pinterest, but it turned out to be a huge game-changer. Pinterest has a staggering amount of healthy recipes on it. Type in something as specific as “sweet potato gluten free pancakes” and I kid you not, you will find hundreds of posts for this in every combination you could possibly think of.

The secret to eating right is to eat foods that you genuinely love, and Pinterest was an awesome way to introduce me to new choices that I’d otherwise never even think about (chia seed pudding, anyone?). It showed me thousands and thousands of delicious-looking healthy recipes, and I started to get really into experimenting with these. Turns out that all there is to cooking really is just following instructions – who knew?

From Pinterest, I started to accumulate an impressive amount of knowledge of healthy food that tastes good. No one is more surprised by this than I. Except my parents. What kind of food did I make? Conveniently, I took a lot of pictures for your viewing pleasure. You can find the rest on my Instagram. These are all pretty simple, low-cost recipes because I generally like to exert the least amount of effort and money possible when I do things.

Breakfast

I am fond of sweet breakfast food, so I made a lot of smoothies, greek yogurt parfaits, acai bowls, and variations on oatmeal. I also made things like protein powder pancakes and paleo mug cakes. These are all really fast to put together (5-10 minutes), because I never have my shit together in the morning.

Lunch/Dinner

I made salads, lettuce wraps, scrambles, veggie bowls – I’m a big fan of sweet potatoes, roasted veggies, chickpeas, quinoa, salmon, and chicken (get the whole roasted kind, very cost-effective), so lots of variations on these.

Meal Prep

I buy all the week’s groceries at once and then spend a couple hours Sunday afternoon prepping lunches and dinners for the next week – meal planning is critical for my wallet and my waistline. I spend approximately $50 a week on groceries, which averages out to around $3.50 a meal.

You can find pretty much all of these recipes on my Pinterest page – check it out.

So in the magic formula of healthy eating, that’s the first part- eating the right kinds of food.

The second part is eating the right amount of food.

Weight loss, when it comes down to it, is really just about taking in less calories than you burn. But most of us have no idea how many calories that is and what that looks like in terms of actual food.

This is where technology came in for the win again. The app Myfitnesspal was my second best friend after Pinterest (I have an exciting social life) – it tells you how many calories you need to eat every day to get to your goal weight, and keeps count as you log all the food you eat for the day.

I know calorie counting isn’t the most thrilling thing, but it’s essential to do at least at first to gain an understanding of exactly how much food you need to be eating. And it makes you realize just how shitty junk food is for you. Myfitnesspal made me way more in tune with my body – now, I try to only eat when I’m actually hungry, and stop when I’m full.

Some other tips for controlling your food intake:

-Savor your food. You know how the food samples at Costco always taste really good, even if they’re just like Mac n cheese or 1/16th of a turkey sandwich? Because you only get a tiny portion, you eat it really slowly and savor it way more than if you had a huge helping. Pretend every bite of your meal is a Costco sample, and the chances are pretty good that you’ll eat less and feel fuller. You can also engage in some eating meditation.

–Stop eating after 9 PM. Mindless snacking is the enemy of weight loss goals, and this most often happens late at night. If you tell yourself that the kitchen is closed after a certain time, you’ll have way more success controlling this. Brushing your teeth right after dinner helps a ton.

–Drink a glass of water when you feel hungry. Drink lots of water in general.

Summary

Eat food that is nutritious and delicious.
Make your own food and meal prep. Pinterest is your friend.
Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full. Track your calories, at least at first.

Balancing a Healthy and Ratchet Lifestyle

In general, the most social you are, the harder it is to eat healthily, because social activities so often revolve around eating and drinking. I’m still trying to figure this one out. Not having friends is an option, but probably not a sustainable one.

Better options:

Eat before you go to dinner if nothing on the menu is good for you, or bring your own food if it’s a place that doesn’t frown upon behaviors like this. Once I ate a tupperware salad while getting drinks at a bar in the Castro with my coworkers. That was weird but if you act like you don’t give a fuck no one else will.
Drink vodka sodas – it’s pretty much the cleanest alcoholic beverage out there. Red wine and light beers are also not too bad.
Bring your own drunchies when you go out, like granola bars – this will lessen the possibility that you’ll blow 1,000+ calories on a massive chicken burrito at 2AM, like I did last Wednesday.
Drink less. After you’re a couple of cocktails in and you’re considering another, ask yourself: will this drink actually increase my enjoyment of my current activity, or am I having it just for the hell of it? Can I still have a good time without it?
Suggest hiking/walking/doing something active with your friends instead of eating out – they might reject this, but at least you tried.

All in all, try as best as you can to stick to clean eating, but if you indulge in junk food once and a while don’t kill yourself over it – moderation is a good thing. I have by NO means kept a perfect diet, but I forgive myself when I hit a bump in the road and keep going.

What I’ve Gained

I’ve learned so much from this process. I learned to sincerely love fitness – how it pushes me, how it makes me feel so alive, how my body thrives from it. I work out now because I enjoy it, and that’s why I have no doubt that I’ll continue to regularly exercise for the rest of my life. And I learned to sincerely love eating natural, whole food – I never thought I’d see the day when fruit tastes better than candy and roasted broccoli tastes better than potato chips, but that’s how my taste buds have evolved.

I also learned discipline. I learned how to stay committed to a long-term goal, and how to break free from the pull of instant gratification. I learned that when you keep promises to yourself, your self-confidence grows tremendously.

And I learned that what seems like a remarkable, glorious achievement is just what a series of unremarkable, unglorious tasks looks like from far away. One workout, one balanced meal won’t change your body. Two won’t either. But sixty? That’ll do something.

Investing in your health is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself. It will prevent disease. It’ll add years to your life, literally. It also makes you feel great – I have so much more energy now. I feel invincible. I can run up flights of stairs without huffing and puffing, and I can dance at the club energetically for hours on end (important).

Most of all, I have finally given myself the confidence I’ve wanted so badly for so long, and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. And if I can find the willpower within me to make it happen for myself, you can too.