Post-grad life is radically different from life as a student in many ways, none of which I was the least bit prepared to deal with upon graduating college and becoming a real person.
From kindergarten all the way through college, our lives were rigorously structured by classes, extracurricular activities, school assignments, and organized events. These stimulating experiences made us smarter, taught us important skills, and provided valuable life lessons on a daily basis.
We vaguely wish these things would happen, but we don’t do anything to make them happen because we don’t have accountability or a sense of urgency. Without those, we don’t know how to act on our wishes – because we’ve never learned how.
In our post-grad life, no one will teach us how to be proactive people or how to make effective use of our time. It isn’t really part of our culture to actively pursue personal development. Our culture tells us that to succeed, we should have a career others approve of, marry a respectable person, and make money to buy enough things to reassure ourselves that we are indeed successful, and if we do those things we’re good to go.
Because despite society’s vapid definition of success, I firmly believe that life should be a constant path towards greater wisdom and growth, towards being a better human. To me, that’s the whole point of life.
Remember all the things we said we wanted to do with our time?
Check out the language that Reactive Randy tends to use. “I should”, “I can’t”, “if only”, “I wish”, “it’d be cool to” are phrases a lot of us throw around. But these phrases are bullshit, because they indicate that we’re not in control of our own lives. We do not act, we’re only acted upon. Reactive people can go their entire lives letting laziness, circumstance, feelings, and environment dictate everything they do and do not do.
What we have to realize is that we are responsible for our own lives. We have the initiative and the ability to make things happen for ourselves. And by understanding this and working on ourselves, working on what we have control over, we can influence our circumstances.
Proactive Peeta (my YA Fictional crush) is a badass – he refuses to fall victim to circumstance. If you found out you were being sent to the Hunger Games – a battle to the death with 23 other people – you’d probably feel helpless. But Peeta focused on what was in his control and acted accordingly. He charmed rich donors so they’d sponsor him in the arena, and he worked out to put himself in top physical shape. He also knew that even though the Gamemakers had control over whether he lived or died, they couldn’t control his response to his predicament – he refused to let the horror of battle compromise his character and pledged to die as himself. -end nerdy analogy-
Okay, cool. Now we know how to be proactive – but how do we figure out what it is we even want to work towards?
That book you should totally read suggests we first understand our deepest values. By knowing what we stand for – the uncompromisable beliefs at the core of our identity – we can figure out our long-term goals and start living every day in accordance with these.
1. I will dedicate my life and career to making a meaningful contribution to this world.
2. I will inspire peopleto be brave, vibrant, selfless, committed, and honest. These are the things I want to be, so I will always choose these behaviors and teach others these qualities whenever I can.
3. I will remember that love is a verb, and I will love my friends and family by prioritizing them, doing nice things for them, and connecting with them on a meaningful level.
4. I will practice empathic listening. I will seek to understand others’ perspectives by:
-Reserving judgment until I get the whole picture.
-Rephrasing their words and trying to capture their feelings.
-Refraining from saying “I” and talking about myself as a response.
5. I will be a proactive person that acts, and is not acted upon by:
-Setting goals and keeping commitments to myself and others.
-Working within my Circle of Influence (the things I can control).
-Creating more and consuming less.
6. I will continually invest in my self-growth through the following:
-Physical: Eating healthy and exercising 5 days a week.
-Mental: Reading 1 new book every 2 weeks.
-Creative: Writing and drawing in this blog twice a month.
7. I will recognize that every moment on this earth is a precious gift. I will never take my time here for granted.
From now on, I’ll be holding myself accountable to these values and goals. I’m actually already starting to work on several of these and I’m stoked to share my progress here in the coming months.
This was one of my more serious blog posts – a pretty weird contrast from serial-dating pie charts – but hopefully it resonates with some of you. This adulting thing is starting to get REAL but I am up for the challenge and I know y’all are too.
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If you thought this mildly interesting, check this post out too:
Seven Things That Will Happen To You Post-Graduation
Yes, I love it! I feel like you really hit the nail on the head with this one 🙂 Also, very excited for more frequent posts!
Another great blog post!
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